31 Oct November; Self loyalty

What does it mean to be loyal to Self? How would you know if you were or not?

Our soul doesn’t set limitations, we do. This earth plane is full of limitations, our bodies, other people, our environment and culture… its one of the joys of being in a human suit. We get to come down here and challenge ourselves, polish and refine, enter into situations that require us to risk something,  remember who we are through the actions we take. It’s not easy or painless, and will take everything we have. Being Self loyal means knowing what is important to you and standing for it even when it’s inconvenient for you or others. It is obeying the higher laws of your being, higher laws don’t operate in fear or unworthiness, they lift the carriage of the body, rising  the space of the heart, for these laws govern your soul.

What are your sacred commitments? How do you know when you are honouring them or not? Think of all the times you said yes, because you thought you should, rather than because you really wanted to. How many times have you said no, made excuses for bowing out of something that you knew would feed your spirit because you were afraid and let fear get the better of you? How many times have you done the easy thing, because what you really wanted to do seemed too hard? Those big and small choices add up and have an impact on your body. What message does this send to yourself? You are sending yourself the message that you are not worthy. You are not worthy of your dreams and ideals, the love you desire, the relationships you deserve. A life time of those tiny self sacrifices will add up and begin to take a toll, we begin to look around and wonder why life is so different than how we once imagined it could be.

I see this energy like a hard crust around the heart. If we allow ourselves to break open, under scar tissue the heart is liquid gold, its power unlike anything we can understand. The crust hurts as it breaks away, but we so are held in the healing support of what lies beneath, we can endure it and there is such relief as we drop the heavy outer layer.

It can be incredibly humiliating to let ourselves take responsibility for our choices, to understand that blaming the world, the people around us and denying our own sovereignty in a thick layer of denial can really hurt—yet think of what is at stake; your personal truth and the opportunity to thrive, not just survive. We can stand for the world we believed in when we were young, for the love we knew was possible, for a world we want to share with children.

We are so much stronger and more capable than we think, we are so much more loved and supported than we know. Self loyalty is the knock on the door. Can we hold ourselves with such tenderness that we grow courageous under our care and remember that we can feel and express joy.

It is the simple sacred work of asking, what is really important to me? What do I stand for? What supports me when the going gets tough?

We are here to experience life fully and completely as ourselves.

When Death Comes

When death comes

like the hungry bear in autumn;

when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;

when death comes

like the measle-pox;

when death comes

like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:

what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything

as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,

and I look upon time as no more than an idea,

and I consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common

as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth,

tending, as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something

precious to the earth.

When it’s over, I want to say: all my life

I was a bride married to amazement.

I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder

if I have made of my life something particular, and real.

I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,

or full of argument.

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.

—Mary Oliver

May all beings be healthy, happy and free,

With love,

Jacqui