02 May May; Stay With Your Process

There is a wild voice inside all of us, one the whispers, “stay here long enough…stay here long enough to revive your hope, to drop your terminal cool, to give up your half truths, to carve, bash your way through, stay here long enough to see what is right for you, stay here long enough to make it to the finish line, it matters not how long it takes or in what style…”

– Clarissa Pinkola Estes

As we roll into May, months into this pandemic, we are in the midst of uncountable losses. For some of us this loss is our work, our businesses or physical touch, for others the loss of loved ones, personal space or a feeling of safety. These are no small things to lose. But among these losses are also those that weren’t serving us, things that either have either over stimulated or numbed us from slowing down the frantic pace that kept us from thinking too hard about the way we live.

It’s as if we have been dependant on on a highly efficient, sleek speeding train that has just abruptly stopped. Now we are on foot, in a new terrain feeling not a little lost and out of sorts, willing the train to be fixed so we can get back on. The train represents our unsustainable addiction to faster, better, stronger, overconsumption, the exploitation of those more vulnerable than us and power for the sake of power. The train hasn’t slowed down long enough for consequences to catch up with it, until now. Now we are in a global space of clarity, the is dust falling away from our eyes and we look around and wonder, now what?

Are we are looking forward impatiently to get back to business as normal? Or continuing the deep work of looking at the foundations that have been tossed and shaken.

The train is broken, broken, and has been for a long time.

This month the over all message to to realize that we are in recovery from our previous ways and need time to feel strong again. The train has been running for a long time, so don’t be too hard on yourself for not know exactly what to do yet. We have an incredible opportunity for change beyond what we could ever dream. And those changes take time.

Some of us are reclaiming a slower relationship with food, cooking and baking our own meals. We are reconnecting with loved ones near and far. Parents are having more time with their children and the joys and challenges that the constant responsibility brings. We are reclaiming our time to hear birdsong, breathe in the cleaner air, and reassess what is important to us.

As anyone who has been in recovery from an addictive behaviour knows, to heal we must step into a period of discomfort. Sometimes the discomfort is so great that leaves us gasping, sometimes it a subtle discomfort that runs just under the surface as irritation or fear.

The truth is, no one willingly goes into recovery with out a really good reason. No one.

So here we are, with the shattering remnants of pre covid-19 life in our hands, facing the fact that we get to decide what we want to carry with us.

May is encouraging us to trust that we are shedding the old paradime, to be brave and steady and stay with the recovery process that has begun. It may not feel easy, or fair, or we may say, “that’s for others not me!” but we were all on that speeding train, every single one of us.

We are always doing the very best we can with what we have been given, so there is no need to shame the addict within us. Addictive behaviour tries to shelter us from past and present trauma that we have experienced in our lives when we don’t have a healthier way of doing so, and much of the trauma of this planet has been inherited over generations. So cut yourself some slack, it’s big messy work. It’s great soul making, it’s uncomfortable and that’s OK. Discomfort means that what you are doing is WORKING. So don’t give up, keep resting and baking, listening and praying, tending gardens and holding your children. Keep dancing in your living room, keep crying and grieving. Stay with your precious process, and let it heal you.

Freedom is the gift that we give our selves when we heal from addictive behaviours, freedom from what we know hurts us and others, freedom to be fully ourselves and be loved and cared for, freedom to trust our wild instincts as we reclaim the deep wisdom inside of ourselves.

Stay with the process, do not abandon yourself and what is being shaped in this time, trust that you will know how and when to move forward in the way that feels healthy and whole. We can live in a way that sings, that mends our relationship with the Earth and each other, that heals our bodies, that invites us to dance freely in the clean air. 

So much love,

Jacqui