02 Jan January; a love story

Trusting, untrusting,
we lowered ourselves into this, let ourselves
downward hand over hand as on a rope that quivered
over the unsearched…. We did this. Conceived
of each other, conceived each other in a darkness
which I remember as drenched in light.
I want to call this, life.

― Adrienne Rich, The Dream of a Common Language

There are things that have been set in motion that cannot be undone, like a ball falling out of a hand to the ground or a bird soaring to the sky freed from its cage. Once the action is made, all things move and respond, the momentum cannot be stopped or silenced or shoved away. Once we commit to unfolding there is no choice but to walk forward with our eyes and hearts open and hope for the best, hope that the prayers uttered, lessons learned and wounds healed will be enough enough to give us the weight and density to meet what is coming.

What if there is no wrong road? No path where you go astray? What if there are only experiences, not to be classified as good or bad, but as information, and what you do with that information informs your next choice, and the next? What if you were in control of the flavour or colour you would like those experiences to be?

We have the opportunity now, to rewrite our story. We are saying goodbye to so much, the earth is not how we once knew her, for she is also obeying the law of cause and effect. As we grieve for what is moving away from us, can we also remember as we walk forward who we are and open up to what we love. 

Wether or not we have the outcome we desire is not the measure of success, for that is beyond our control. I believe that individually we are here to experience something meaningful; we have been granted a human life where we can enjoy the smell of rain, and feel the crunch of snow underfoot.

We can cultivate the gift of savouring a good meal, to cherish hot water from the tap. We can feel the smooth expanse of the skin of a lover under our hands, and maybe this time, not take our senses for granted.

We can have tiny enormous lives that we hold with reverence and awe, and delight that yet another day has welcomed us.

It’s time to write a love story, a story from the heart, which includes but does not bow to the mind. The mind has been writing stories for millennia. We’ve conquered and been conquered, we’ve built and destroyed, crossed oceans and planets, plundered and pondered.

We now have the imagination and information to be heart-literate. This means to feel your heart, to listen to it, to communicate with it, and to let it lead you onwards, even when your mind is freaking out.

Some things take longer than the mind thinks it should. We want the comfort of instant gratification to assure us we are travelling the right road but the heart has its own rhythm and timing. If we let it, it will take us to the promised land of rediscovering who we are. Just because we may not see it right away, doesn’t mean we aren’t moving in our lives at exactly the right time to the exactly the right place. 

January is asking us to rewrite our story, to let our hearts lead us, to love as much as we are able. It’s time to travel into new territory, one that our mind cannot and will no longer map out for us, for we’ve come to the end of that road.

What wisdom do you have today that you didn’t before? What do you know to be true?How do you honour your insight and give it the power to inform your next action? What energy or emotion is leading you?

This year I plan to invite my heart even closer, to resist less and allow more joy in this deepening relationship, to trust that even if life looks messy, grace is there. If I am terrified of the next steps, I will take them anyways, I will continue to leap, because my heart is there always, to catch me when I fall, because my measure of success is connected to how close I am to love. 

You are the centre of your story, if you have forgotten, return again to the quest of being alive in your life, walk the path that only you can, as best you can not for riches and reward, but because it is sacred and it is yours.

With love and reverence,

Jacqui