02 Dec December: The Gift

“I knew that was really the only purpose of life: to be our self, live our truth, and be the love that we are.”

― Anita Moorjani

The mind is like the wind. It flits from information byte to information byte without offering us much insight or relief into the deeper meaning of things, unless we remind it to do so and to do so, we must pause, let our body catch up, and allow our selves to digest our experiences.

We are not only coming to the end of the year, but to the end of a decade. We have the opportunity now, to reflect upon where we have been and what has changed. To acknowledge and honour those no longer with us and celebrate our victories great and small. If you are reading this, you are alive. You are still weaving threads into the tapestry of your life, and that in itself is something to marvel at.

For me, success is to remember that this time in a body is not to be taken for granted. None of us know how long we get to be here— how many mornings we will open our eyes to the sun. To live in this remembrance is to live in a rebellion to fear, and to challenge fears validity at every turn. For much of my early life I thought this meant creating an outer life that looked successful. It made me a bit reckless. I pushed myself towards intense experiences and thought if I wasn’t on the cutting edge of what I was pursuing, whether it be dance, spirituality or motherhood then I must be failing. I chased high experiences in spiritual retreats and beat myself up when I wasn’t performing at a high enough level as a yoga teacher and parent. I pushed, because I felt dissatisfied with my life and myself. I thought that I could prove my enough-ness by working hard to be something I wasn’t, someone that looked successful to the people around me.

In reality, success is what ever I want it to be. I can liberate myself from burning out on this endless treadmill simply by trusting I am enough.

This morning I curled up next to my sleeping daughter, climbed into her pink bunkbed where she was covered in various stuffed animals, including “piggy” who has been with her since birth. As I clambered up past the foot poking out of her blanket, I gave it a squeeze and noted that it is the same size as mine now. I marvelled her small relaxed features and the smell of her skin; was reminded of the fact that regardless how big my children grow, they are the babies I held close to my body, that I nurtured and fed. The future is urging them forward—I have no idea what is coming for them, but I can savour this moment in time.  I can allow it to nourish me as I move along in my day, feeling blessed by the sensuality of my human experience, the gift of my life.

Can we believe there is enough substance and material in our simple ordinary lives that we can be satisfied and in awe of?

Know where you have been, acknowledge the trials you have survived, ponder what decisions have worked out or not. Take time to grieve, say your thank you’s, acknowledge what you have created and celebrate.

December is a gift. It asks us to challenge the nature of an unruly mind and step forward with our full attention and gratitude. It can be tempting to rush through this season, take for granted the time we have to connect with others and fill ourselves up with excess everything. There is no shame in doing so— but can we also pause,  digest and to look at the ordinary miracles as if seeing them for the first time? Can we be open to receive this sacred time upon the earth?

Know that you are worthy of this gift, just by being yourself, and who you are is  and always has been enough.

Wishing you many blessings in this sacred time.

Love,

Jacqui