31 Mar April: Authentic Expression
I admit, the thought of writing this letter has been daunting. How do I write an energy update when the world feels turned upside down? One thing I strongly believe is that you don’t need any more quarantine advice or another 5 step program to help with overwhelm. Your process has a timing that is unique to you, this process is important to honour in all times and especially these times. So I will do as have always done, and share the energetic themes that I see.
A few messages have been coming through. The first was a question, it asked, what if this was happening for you not to you? It’s a question that demands we see the generosity of what life is offering rather than the scarcity. This morning I looked at the face of my sleeping husband, for the first time in a long while we had nowhere to rush off to, no hurrying the kids off to school, no jobs to drive to. We have something new and precious, time, and in this time we are given new choices, we can begin to create a flow for ourselves and our family that is unique to our individual needs and priorities. It’s daunting, and a bit exciting and not the perspective I was able recall a few days prior.
There are a lot of emotions and thoughts to sort through right now, life as we knew it has changed, and at this point we don’t know when, if ever, it will go back to “normal.” I’m personally grieving my work, future events I had planned, and my daughters birthday party. And at the same time as grieving what has been falling way, I am learning a huge amount. Like how how to social distance, meet on zoom, grocery shop safely and so much more.
The past week or so, I hadn’t thought of my experience that way. In fact, I haven’t been very generous to my experience at all. I’ve been anxiously watching others shift their classes on line, after watching my studios close, I have been inundated with home schooling schedules, I’ve been told that now is the time to learn another language, or start a podcast or write a novel and get super fit! In other words, I’ve been receiving the message that above all else, I must stay productive. Spoiler alert. I have not been productive. Not in that sense any ways. And have been suffering needlessly because I have been giving myself a hard time about it. This makes sense because this is where we place our collective value. Productivity. It’s what we place meaning onto, it’s how we judge if we are failing or succeeding. Well, Covid-19 is sending us home and asking us to stay there. It has demanded that we give up our creature comforts for the sake of others. It’s placing the health of our communities over the need to produce.
No surprise then that one of the main themes of April is generosity.
Generosity by definition means being plentiful or large, it’s to feel into our expanse and share with it others. I’m aware that this is not likely the general feeling we are swimming in right now. It’s a mighty challenge to take up the space of our bodies, hearts and souls, resisting the urge to cut ourselves or others down into small pieces when we are in fear, and in times of change.
So in order to get to our own authentic expression of generosity, we need to wade through what stands between it and us. Namely, fear.
Just because we tell ourselves not to be afraid or shame ourselves when we do, does not make the energy of fear go away. Not in the long term at least. We push these natural feelings down because they make us feel vulnerable, angry, or ashamed but I have a message for you. There is nothing wrong with feeling afraid.
It doesn’t make you less brave, less capable or less resilient. In a situation like the one we are in- a pandemic, is makes logical sense if you are feeling some fear. It is ok, you will not self combust, or freeze in place- besides it is there wether you are aware of it or not. Accepting our feelings as they arise is a practice of generosity. It demands that we become big enough to hold ourselves and our experiences without having to deflect or deny them. When we are able to hold that space for ourselves, we are much more capable of extending that generosity to others, and we sure need each other right now.
We need each other. If there is anything that has become glaringly obvious in these last weeks of physical distancing is how much we are connected. No one, not even royalty is untouched by this event, it is across the entire world. It is incredible and unprecedented. And it’s going to take some time to digest what we are experiencing and how we want to live within this new reality.
When all doing is done and I have to face my naked reality, who am I? What are my values? What are my needs? Am I true to myself or do I betray myself? What are my feelings? Am I capable of love? Am I true to my love?
Now is the time for generosity, the kind that will sit with you as you cry your tears and mourn what is lost so you can transform your grief into the fuel that will move you towards the kind of world you want to create and embody. What an awesome opportunity we have here and now, to be dropped into the centre of our lives and be reminded of what really matters to us.
What really matters?
What is important to me may not be important to you, and that is ok, in fact it offers us the freedom to show up to our lives authentically. Your authentic expression is highly valuable, and it is where the energy of April is longing to lead us.
Your authentic expression is birthed from your deepest, most honest desires, it’s what remains true when all else falls away, its what makes you- you, and it longs to be expressed. No one else can show up for you like you, and no one else holds the medicine that you offer.
So feel your fear, fall apart, grieve your losses, and when you rise, (and you will,) know that you are rising towards what matters most to you, and that is truly something to celebrate. Just imagine, with our new found and hard earned strength, what beautiful, healthy, inclusive, generous world we can create together.
As always, if you want to support with your process, please reach out, my online healing sessions are on a sliding scale to serve you. You are not alone.
So much love,